How EMDR and IFS Help Calm the Nervous System

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

A calming ocean-themed anchor symbolizing stability and grounding for the nervous system.

Think of your nervous system like a smoke alarm that keeps going off every time you make toast. It’s not broken. It’s just become extra sensitive after too many real fires in the past. Even when there’s no danger in the room, it keeps blaring. You wave a towel in front of it, open a window, and maybe even disconnect the battery for a while, but deep down you know the real problem isn’t the toast. It’s that the alarm has learned to react to the slightest hint of smoke.

For many people, this is what living with the aftereffects of stress and trauma can feel like. The body’s alarm system gets stuck on high alert. It doesn’t matter if the danger is long gone. The nervous system still behaves like it’s right around the corner.

When the Nervous System Won’t Settle

The nervous system is designed to keep us alive. It constantly scans for danger and, when it senses a threat, activates responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This is incredibly useful if a bear suddenly wanders into your kitchen. It’s less useful when your body is reacting the same way to a difficult conversation with your partner or an email from your boss.

For many clients I work with, the “alarm” never fully turns off. They might describe feeling tense all the time, snapping over small things, struggling to sleep, or swinging between feeling wired and exhausted. Sometimes they can point to a clear cause. Other times, it feels like their body is reacting for no obvious reason.

Here’s the thing: your nervous system remembers what your mind might not. Experiences that were overwhelming or confusing at the time can get stored in a way that keeps your system on guard. Instead of being filed away as “past,” those experiences live in the “present” folder, ready to be reactivated by anything that vaguely resembles the original threat.

The good news is that our nervous systems are not static. With the right approaches, they can learn to settle again. Two powerful ways to do this are EMDR and Internal Family Systems, often called IFS.

How EMDR Helps the Brain File Things Properly Again

I often describe the brain as an office with a big filing cabinet. Every day, new experiences come in. During REM sleep, your brain acts like the office clerk, filing events neatly into their folders.

Most of the time, this system works well. You stub your toe, the brain files it, and you move on.

But when something happens that is too overwhelming or doesn’t make sense, the clerk freezes.

The file ends up sitting in the middle of the office floor, un-filed. The next time something even remotely similar happens, your brain trips over that old file and the alarm goes off again. This is why a smell, a sound, or a look on someone’s face can suddenly flood you with emotion, even years later.

EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, helps the brain finish filing those experiences. Through bilateral stimulation, often eye movements or tapping, the brain is guided to reprocess the stuck material in a way that makes sense. You don’t have to relive every detail. In fact, many clients are surprised by how much shifts without needing to describe the entire event out loud.

Once the brain files those experiences properly, the alarm stops being triggered by things that are no longer dangerous. The smoke alarm becomes a little less jumpy. The world feels safer again.

Close-up of water droplets hanging from tree branches, reflecting the quiet clarity that comes as the nervous system calms.

How IFS Helps Create Inner Safety

Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is another approach that calms the nervous system, but it works from a different angle. IFS is based on the idea that we all have different “parts” within us. These are not signs of illness. They’re completely normal aspects of being human. One part might feel anxious, another might want to avoid, another might be angry, and another might want to take care of everyone else.

When we’ve experienced pain, some parts step into protective roles to keep us safe. For example, a vigilant part might scan the environment for danger, keeping the nervous system on high alert. A perfectionistic part might try to control everything to avoid being hurt again. These parts mean well, but they can keep the body in a constant state of tension.

IFS helps us get to know these parts instead of fighting with them. Rather than trying to silence the anxious part, we become curious about what it’s trying to protect. Often, underneath these protective parts are younger, more vulnerable parts that carry the original pain. By turning toward them with compassion, we help the whole system relax. When protective parts feel heard and understood, they often step back. The nervous system follows their lead.

Why These Two Approaches Work So Well Together

EMDR and IFS complement each other beautifully. EMDR helps the brain reprocess past experiences that are stuck, so the nervous system doesn’t keep reacting to old alarms. IFS helps you build a relationship with the different parts inside you, creating internal safety and understanding. One focuses more on how memories are stored and processed. The other focuses on how different aspects of the self interact and protect.

When used together, these approaches offer a powerful path toward nervous system regulation. EMDR clears the clutter from the filing cabinet. IFS helps the “office staff” work together instead of arguing in the hallway. The result is a calmer, more harmonious internal environment.

Final Thoughts

If your nervous system has been sounding the alarm for far too long, it’s not because you’re weak or broken. It’s because your body learned to survive in ways that made sense at the time.

Approaches like EMDR and IFS can help your system learn that the danger has passed. Over time, your smoke alarm can stop going off for burnt toast and return to its real job, which is to keep you safe when there’s actual fire.

Healing your nervous system is possible. With the right support, those blaring alarms can quiet down, and you can finally feel at ease in your own skin again.

Joey’s Take 🐾:

Sometimes, calming down starts with the simple things. Like a walk by the ocean, a salty breeze, and the perfect stick to sniff or carry. I don’t overthink it. I just take it all in, one paw at a time. Humans might not find their calm by inspecting driftwood, but slowing down and noticing what’s around you can go a long way. Therapy helps with that too. It gives your nervous system a chance to pause, breathe, and remember you’re safe.

Joey, my Aussie, enjoying a peaceful walk by the ocean, reminding us how simple moments can help the nervous system settle.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).