Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes healing begins when we stop searching for answers about someone else's behaviour and start focusing on what we need to move forward. Have you ever found yourself spending hours trying to figure out why someone treated you the way they did? Maybe you've replayed conversations, searched for explanations online, or gone over the same events with a friend so many times that even they're starting to run out of theories. You might have learned

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC When you're constantly anticipating someone else's reaction, even ordinary moments can begin to feel uncertain. Living on eggshells can slowly change how safe you feel being yourself. There’s a phrase I hear fairly often in my counselling practice: “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.” Sometimes it comes out almost casually, tucked into a conversation about an argument or a difficult week. Other times, there’s a pause before someone says it, as t

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Healing doesn't have to happen on anyone else's timeline. Sometimes, giving yourself permission to slow down is part of the process. You've just had a conversation with someone, and something doesn't feel right. You know what you heard, and you remember what happened. Yet somehow, by the end of the conversation, you're the one apologizing, questioning your memory, or wondering whether you've completely misunderstood the situation. Maybe you've star

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes healing shows up quietly, when something that once would have thrown you off simply doesn’t anymore. Healing does not always announce itself. Sometimes there is no dramatic moment when you suddenly realize you have changed. There is no finish line, no flashing sign, and certainly no certificate arriving in the mail informing you that you are officially healed. More often, progress reveals itself in ordinary moments when something happens

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Looking back at what shaped you doesn’t mean you’re stuck there. There’s a common idea that if you really want to move forward, you need to stop looking backward. Maybe you’ve heard some version of it before: Why keep talking about something that happened years ago? What’s done is done. You can’t change the past. At some point, you just have to let it go. On the surface, that can sound reasonable. We can’t go back and change what happened, and ther

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Healing doesn’t happen on a deadline. Sometimes progress begins with giving yourself permission to be where you are. There are certain sentences I hear in therapy again and again, and “I should be over this by now” is one of them. People say it after breakups, losses, traumatic experiences, difficult childhoods, betrayals, and relationships that left them questioning themselves. Sometimes they say it with frustration, sometimes with embarrassment,

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Moving forward can mean choosing not to reopen a door you worked hard to close. You finally feel like you’re getting somewhere. You’re checking your phone less, you’re not replaying every conversation quite as often, and maybe you’ve stopped wondering whether you should reach out. You might even have had a few days where you felt surprisingly okay, and the relationship wasn’t the first thing you thought about when you woke up. Then, seemingly out o

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC When someone repeatedly challenges your reality, trusting your own perception can become surprisingly difficult. Sometimes a song lands because it puts words to something you’ve experienced but have struggled to explain. Taylor Swift’s Patient Zero is one of those songs. When I first listened to it and watched the video, I wasn’t just paying attention as a Taylor Swift fan. My therapist brain kicked in pretty quickly. The relationship portrayed in

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Some things were never yours to carry in the first place. For many people, self-blame becomes so automatic that they don't even notice they're doing it. Someone is upset? It must be something you did. A relationship ends? You immediately begin wondering what you could have done differently. Someone pulls away, becomes distant, or responds with frustration? Your first instinct is to look inward and ask, "What did I do wrong?" Taking responsibility f

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes healing isn't about getting one last answer. It's about finding the courage to move forward. One of the hardest things to let go of is the belief that closure is waiting on the other side of one more conversation. Many people come into therapy believing that if they could just explain themselves one last time, ask the right question, or finally hear the other person acknowledge what happened, they would be able to move on. It makes sense

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Healing rarely arrives all at once. More often, it grows quietly through small moments that are easy to overlook. People sometimes imagine that, as a therapist, the biggest moments happen when someone has a dramatic breakthrough. They picture tears, huge realizations, or one life-changing insight that suddenly changes everything. Those moments certainly happen, and they're meaningful, but they're not usually the moments I remember most. The moments

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes what feels "missing" isn't the person. It's the future you thought you were building together. "I know the relationship wasn't healthy." "So why do I still miss them?" It's one of the questions I hear most often from clients recovering from emotionally abusive or manipulative relationships. It's also one of the questions that carries the most shame. People often assume that if they're missing someone, it must mean they still want them bac

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Peace can feel unfamiliar when you've spent a lifetime expecting the next storm. With time and enough safe experiences, calm can begin to feel like home. "I just want a peaceful life." It's something I hear from clients all the time. They want less stress, less conflict, and fewer situations that leave them feeling emotionally exhausted. They dream about having calm relationships, a quieter mind, and a life that doesn't constantly feel like they're

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes the most powerful response isn't the first one that comes to mind. A brief pause can create the space to respond with intention instead of reacting on autopilot. Have you ever noticed how quickly you start explaining yourself? Someone questions a decision you've made, and before they've even finished speaking, you're already listing your reasons. You explain why you couldn't make it, why you changed your mind, why you need a boundary, or

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes the smallest steps lead us away from uncertainty and toward something steadier. Have you ever felt like you're almost in a relationship? Not quite together. Not quite apart. Just enough contact to keep you wondering. Maybe they send you a thoughtful text after disappearing for weeks. They like your social media post out of nowhere. They tell you they've been thinking about you or that they miss you, but nothing really changes. Just as you

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC You don't have to trust the entire journey before you're ready to take the first step. Sometimes trust is built one conversation at a time. Walking into therapy for the first time can feel a little strange. You're sitting across from someone you've only just met, and somehow you're supposed to talk about things you've spent years avoiding, minimizing, or trying to figure out on your own. If you're feeling a little uncertain, you're not doing therap

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Sometimes the hardest step isn't knowing what needs to change. It's trusting yourself enough to take the next step. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Why am I doing this again?" Maybe it's replying to a text from someone you've worked so hard to move on from. Maybe it's agreeing to something you didn't really want to do because saying no felt too uncomfortable. Maybe it's staying in a job that's draining you, or convincing yourself that this

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Awareness is often the first step toward changing a pattern. One of the most meaningful shifts in therapy is not necessarily when people stop struggling altogether. Often, the first major sign of healing is something quieter: They start noticing their patterns while they are happening instead of only afterward. For many people, old patterns used to feel automatic. The reaction would happen, the argument would escalate, the shutdown would occur, th

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Real change is usually built through practice, not just realization. One of the most frustrating experiences people have in therapy sounds something like this: “I understand exactly why I do this… so why do I keep doing it?” People can often explain their patterns with incredible clarity. They recognize the attachment wounds, the childhood dynamics, the trauma responses, or the nervous system patterns underneath their behaviour. They know where th

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC Learning to make space for your feelings without apologizing for having them. One of the things I notice most often in therapy is how quickly people apologize for having feelings. Sometimes it happens within the first few minutes of a session. “I’m sorry, I know this probably sounds ridiculous.”“I shouldn’t still be upset about this.”“Sorry, I’m being too emotional.”“I know other people have it worse.”“I probably shouldn’t be crying.” And every tim