If I Can’t Remember It Clearly, Can It Still Affect Me?

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Have you ever wondered: “If I can’t remember exactly what happened, is it really affecting me? And if I don’t remember, can I even heal?”

This is a question I hear often in therapy. Many people worry that without clear, detailed memories, they can’t work through their past. But here’s the truth: your body and mind don’t need a perfect replay of events to heal. Blurry or missing memories are actually common after trauma, and they don’t make your experiences any less real.

Just because the view is foggy doesn't mean what's outside isn't real. Our minds may blur or block memories, but our bodies often hold the truth.

Why Memories Can Be Blurry or Missing

When something overwhelming happens, your brain’s priority isn’t filing away a neat, detailed memory, it’s keeping you safe. That means memory can get stored in fragments, or sometimes locked away completely.

Think of it like trying to take a photo during a storm. The picture may come out shaky or unclear, but the storm still happened. Just because the image is fuzzy doesn’t mean it wasn’t real, it just means your brain was focused on surviving.

So if you find yourself with only bits and pieces, or no memory at all, it doesn’t mean nothing happened. It means your brain did what it needed to protect you at the time.

The Body Remembers Even When the Mind Doesn’t

Here’s the thing: memory isn’t just about stories or images. Trauma is often stored in the nervous system as sensations, emotions, and patterns.

That’s why you might:

• Feel sudden anxiety in certain situations without knowing why.

• Notice your chest tighten or your heart race when you’re not in obvious danger.

• Shut down in conflict even when you tell yourself it’s “not a big deal.”

Your mind may not have the full story, but your body is still carrying the imprint. As Bessel van der Kolk has said, “the body keeps the score.”

Signs Trauma Might Be Showing Up Without Clear Memory

Even without vivid recall, trauma can show up in your daily life through:

• Emotional reactions: anger, sadness, or fear that feels bigger than the situation.

• Physical sensations: panic, stomach knots, headaches, or tension that seem to come “out of nowhere.”

• Relationship patterns: avoiding closeness, overreacting during conflict, or feeling like you’re always on guard.

For example:

• You might feel panicky when your partner raises their voice, even though you tell yourself they’re not trying to hurt you.

• You might freeze up when a coworker criticizes you, without knowing why it feels so overwhelming.

• You might avoid social situations because something about being around certain people makes your body shut down.

These are all ways the past can echo into the present, even if you don’t have a clear memory attached.

How Healing Works Without Perfect Recall

The good news: therapy doesn’t require you to remember every detail. You don’t need to reconstruct the entire story for healing to happen.

Here’s how some approaches can help:

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Even without specific memories, you may notice “parts” of yourself that carry fear, shame, or sadness. IFS helps you connect with those parts and begin to heal, whether or not you have the full picture.

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR helps your brain reprocess the effects of trauma, not just the memory. For example, if you carry the belief “I have to be perfect”, even without remembering exactly where it came from, EMDR can help your nervous system release the emotional weight of that belief so it no longer drives your present-day life.

These therapies focus on how the past is impacting you today, in your emotions, your body, and your relationships, and help bring relief, even without perfect recall.

Why This Matters

You don’t have to wait until every memory comes back to begin healing. Many people find profound relief without ever retrieving all the details.

Healing isn’t about piecing together a perfect timeline, it’s about helping your nervous system feel safe again and giving your present-day self the freedom to live without carrying so much weight.

Think of it this way: if your shoe is full of rocks, you don’t need to know exactly which hike or trail they came from. You just need to take them out so you can walk comfortably again. Therapy helps you gently empty the “rocks” your body has been carrying, whether or not you remember how they got there.

Unprocessed experiences are like rocks in your shoe. Even if you don't notice them at first, they slow you down and cause pain until they're removed.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been wondering whether your past could still be affecting you, even if the memories are unclear, the answer is yes. But more importantly, the answer is also: you can heal anyway.

You don’t need every detail to move forward. You only need the willingness to start where you are, with the feelings, patterns, and sensations showing up in your life today. Therapy can help you make sense of those pieces and begin to feel lighter, calmer, and more at home in yourself.

Joey’s Take

I don’t remember every squirrel, but my body sure does. Same for humans: you don’t need every detail to heal. What matters is how it feels now, and what you do with it.

Joey enjoying a sunny day, perched on a tree stump with his tongue out. A playful reminder that healing can include lightness and joy along the way.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a therapist in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).