Why I Believe Therapy Should Feel Like a Conversation, Not an Interrogation

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

A relaxed therapy conversation that highlights connection, collaboration, and safety.

Many people come into their first session feeling nervous, and that makes sense. Sitting down with someone you’ve never met, about to share the most personal parts of your life, can feel intimidating. Some even imagine it’s going to be like an interrogation: bright lights, endless questions, someone judging their every move.

The truth is, therapy should feel very different from that. It should feel like a conversation. A safe, human exchange where you get to bring your story, your questions, and your pace. Therapy is about connection, not cross-examination.

Where the Interrogation Fear Comes From

For many of us, our past experiences have taught us that being vulnerable can feel risky. Maybe we’ve been judged when we opened up before. Maybe authority figures in our lives asked a lot of questions but didn’t really listen. Or maybe we’ve been in situations where honesty led to criticism or punishment.

No wonder sitting in a therapist’s office (or logging into a video session) can bring up images of being put “on the spot.” It can feel like preparing for a test you didn’t study for.

That’s why one of my core beliefs as a therapist is that the session needs to feel like a conversation. You’re not here to be grilled. You’re here to be supported.

What a Conversational Approach Looks Like

When I say therapy is a conversation, I don’t mean it’s casual chit chat. It’s a guided, intentional conversation. But it’s one where both people have a voice. You bring your experiences and insights, and I bring training, tools, and perspective.

It might look like:

• Curiosity instead of interrogation. Instead of firing off rapid questions, I slow down and explore what matters most to you.

• Collaboration instead of control. We set goals together. You get to guide the pace.

• Reflection instead of judgment. I listen closely and may offer observations, but never in a way that makes you feel “on trial.”

This balance helps therapy feel safe and respectful.

Behind the Scenes: How I Hold That Space

Behind the scenes, I pay attention to more than just the words you say. I notice your body language, your tone, the pauses between sentences. If I see that a question has made you freeze up, I don’t push harder. I step back and adjust.

Sometimes, a client might expect me to have a long list of questions lined up. Instead, I often start by asking: “What feels most important for you to bring into the room today?” That one question shifts the power back to you. It says: This is your time.

Other times, if you’re not sure where to start, I’ll gently offer a few options. It’s never about forcing, always about inviting.

Why This Matters for Healing

A nervous system that’s already on high alert doesn’t need more pressure. It needs safety. Feeling interrogated puts the body back into defence mode, which makes healing harder. Feeling like you’re in a conversation allows your system to settle, which makes room for growth and change.

Approaches like EMDR and IFS both rely on that foundation of safety. EMDR helps your brain reprocess experiences, but you need to feel secure with your therapist before you can even start that work. IFS helps you explore inner parts of yourself, but those parts only open up when they trust that they won’t be attacked or judged.

The conversation-like atmosphere of therapy is what creates that safety.

Shifting the Image of Therapy

When people think of therapy as an interrogation, it often keeps them from reaching out. They imagine being put under a microscope, every detail dissected. But the reality is that therapy is one of the few places where you don’t have to perform or prove yourself. You just get to be.

That’s why I believe therapy should feel like a conversation. Because conversations invite openness. They allow for back-and-forth. They hold space for silence. And they remind us that healing happens in relationship, not under pressure.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been hesitant to start therapy because you picture it as a spotlight and a line of tough questions, I want to reassure you: that’s not what good therapy looks like. A healthy therapeutic relationship feels collaborative, human, and safe. It feels like a conversation.

You don’t have to prepare speeches or have the “right” answers. You just have to show up as you are. Together, we’ll find the words that matter most. And from that simple, steady place, real change can begin.

Joey’s Take 🐾

If therapy were an interrogation, I’d be hiding behind the couch with my tail tucked. But a conversation? That’s more my speed. Think about when I meet someone new at the beach. I don’t charge in barking questions. I give a little sniff, a tail wag, maybe circle around a few times. It’s my way of saying, “Let’s see if this feels safe.”

Humans might not sniff each other hello (probably for the best), but you do need that same sense of safety to open up. Therapy should feel like that beach walk, not a police lineup.

Joey, my Aussie, giving his signature "I'm listening" look. Therapy is serious work, but we make room for a little humour too.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).