Why the Holidays Feel Hard and How to Stay Grounded Through Them

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Some seasons feel like standing at the edge of the water. Wide open. Quiet. A little overwhelming. And still, there is room to breathe.

The holidays are supposed to feel warm and joyful. Every commercial shows twinkly lights, family harmony, and people laughing over perfectly timed cookies. But if you find yourself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or unexpectedly sad this time of year, you are not alone. The holidays have a way of stirring the deeper layers of our nervous system. For many people, December feels less like a cozy season and more like paddling through choppy water without warning.

This does not mean there is something wrong with you. It means you are human. And it means your nervous system is responding to a very intense time of year.

When we understand why the holidays feel hard and what our bodies need to stay grounded, the season becomes a little more manageable and a lot less confusing.

Why the Holidays Feel Hard for So Many People

1. Routines disappear

Routines act like emotional life jackets. They give structure, predictability, and safety. In December, your regular anchors often vanish. Sleep changes. Work shifts. Meals happen at strange times. There are extra errands, last minute plans, and social obligations that stack up quickly. If you already struggle with anxiety or overwhelm, the loss of routine can make everything feel more intense.

2. Emotional and sensory overload

The holidays bring more stimulation than most months combined. Crowded stores, loud gatherings, bright lights, travel, and pressure to be cheerful. Even small things can tip you out of your window of tolerance. This is not weakness. This is biology. Your brain can only process so much before it signals overload.

3. Family dynamics resurface

Even if you have done a lot of healing, old patterns often show up when you are with family. You may fall back into roles you played growing up. You may feel responsible for keeping the peace or managing other people’s emotions. You may carry the weight of old memories or unresolved tension. Your body remembers more than your mind does.

4. Comparison gets louder

Social media becomes a highlight reel of perfect families, perfect meals, and perfect traditions. If you struggle with self doubt or loneliness, December can amplify those feelings. It is easy to wonder why the season feels heavier for you when everyone else seems to be thriving.

5. Grief grows sharper

Grief has a remarkable way of resurfacing during holidays. If you have lost a loved one, a relationship, a sense of belonging, or even a version of yourself, the season can stir those tender spots. Even years later, grief can feel fresh in December.

How the Holidays Affect Your Nervous System

The holidays often push people out of their window of tolerance. This is the range where you feel grounded, present, and able to cope. When you drift outside that range, you may notice things like:

• irritability

• shutting down emotionally

• feeling spacey or disconnected

• snapping more easily

• increased self criticism

• trouble sleeping

• stomach tension or headaches

• feeling like you are bracing for something

This is your nervous system saying, too much, too fast.

The goal is not to force yourself to be calm. It is to support your nervous system so it can settle again.

How to Stay Grounded During the Holidays

Here are some gentle, doable ways to support yourself. These are not holiday hacks. They are nervous system anchors that help you stay connected to yourself in a season that can easily pull you off centre.

1. Create small pockets of quiet

Even five minutes helps. Step outside. Sit in your parked car. Stand by a window. Slow your breath and feel your feet on the floor. You do not need a long meditation. You just need a moment where nobody needs anything from you.

2. Decide your boundaries ahead of time

Holiday stress increases when you try to make decisions in the moment. Give yourself permission to plan ahead. You can leave early. You can take breaks. You can choose not to attend everything. You can say no without being unkind.

Boundaries are not walls. They are gentle guidelines that protect your energy.

3. Bring a grounding object

A smooth stone, a palm sized seashell, a piece of jewelry that feels comforting. Something you can touch when conversations or environments feel overwhelming. It is a small but powerful way to stay anchored in your body.

4. Lower the expectation of perfection

If your energy is lower, your patience thinner, or your emotions closer to the surface, that makes sense. You are allowed to meet yourself exactly where you are instead of pushing yourself to match a holiday storyline that was never written with real people in mind.

5. Give yourself an emotional buffer before and after events

Slow your morning. Sit with a cup of tea. Take a short walk. Build transition time around gatherings so your nervous system has room to settle.

6. Notice signs of overwhelm early

If you start feeling agitated, numb, foggy, teary, or disconnected, that is your body asking for a pause. You do not have to wait until you are at your limit to step away.

7. Let connection be small and simple

Meaningful moments do not need to be Instagram worthy. A gentle conversation, a shared smile, sitting beside someone quietly, or laughing at something small counts. The season is not measured in grand gestures. It is felt in micro moments.

What Healing Looks Like During the Holidays

Healing does not mean you glide through December without stress. Healing means you notice your needs earlier. You offer yourself more compassion. You rest when your body says it is time. You choose where to spend your energy instead of defaulting to old patterns.

Healing is not the absence of discomfort. It is the presence of awareness and the capacity to return to yourself with kindness.

If the holidays feel heavy this year, that does not mean you are going backwards. It simply means you are human in a complicated season.

Joey’s Take 🐾🐾

Hi friends. I personally find the holidays very overstimulating. Too many people. Too many smells. Too many opportunities for me to steal snacks that I am apparently not supposed to eat. My advice is to create a quiet corner where you can recharge. Preferably with a blanket. Preferably with no one touching your paws. You are allowed to rest. That is all.

"This is my festive face. I am trying very hard to be good. Please notice my efforts" Joey.

About Lianne

I am Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in British Columbia who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I am certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I am not in session, you will probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean which is my favourite co therapist.