Therapy Myths: Why EMDR and IFS Really Work for Healing

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Therapy brings balance and clarity, helping you reflect and move forward with strength.

If you have ever thought, “Therapy is just talking in circles. It does not really change anything,” you are not alone. This is one of the most common myths I hear, and it keeps so many people from ever reaching out for the support they deserve.

The truth? Therapy is not about endless talking or rehashing your childhood until your eyes glaze over. Good therapy creates real, tangible shifts in how you think, feel, and live.

And if you have ever wondered whether therapy can actually work, let me introduce you to two approaches I use every day with clients: EMDR and IFS. Both are evidence-based, practical, and deeply healing.

Where This Myth Comes From

Popular culture has not helped. Many of us grew up seeing therapy portrayed in movies and television as little more than venting. A client lies on a couch, the therapist nods silently, and nothing seems to change. Cue the credits.

Add to that the stories you may have heard from people who went to therapy and did not find the right fit, and it makes sense that you might be skeptical. Not every therapist and not every approach works for every person. But writing therapy off altogether is like saying exercise does not work because you disliked one yoga class.

What EMDR Brings to the Table

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. At first the name can sound a bit intimidating, but what it really does is help your brain finish the work it could not do at the time of a difficult experience.

Think of your brain like a busy office with a giant filing cabinet. Every night during REM sleep, your brain acts like the clerk, putting away the events of the day. Most experiences get neatly tucked into folders. Stubbed toe? Filed. Breakfast? Filed. Embarrassing slip on the ice? Filed, though maybe still remembered with a wince.

But when something overwhelming happens, whether a major event like a car accident or a painful experience like repeated criticism, your brain struggles to file it away. The folder gets left out on the desk, messy and open. Later, the smallest reminder can bring all the old feelings and sensations rushing back.

EMDR helps your brain finally file that memory where it belongs. Using bilateral stimulation such as gentle eye movements, taps, or tones, your brain gets the message: “This is over now. I can file it away.”

What IFS Brings to the Table

IFS, or Internal Family Systems, works differently but is just as powerful. Instead of focusing on a single memory, IFS helps you explore the different “parts” of yourself that developed over time.

Maybe you have a part that gets anxious before big events, a part that criticizes you for not doing enough, or a part that just wants to shut the world out when things feel overwhelming. These parts are not bad. They are protective. They developed to help you cope, often when you were young and did not have many resources.

IFS helps you meet those parts with curiosity rather than judgment. Over time, those protective parts begin to relax as they trust that your core Self — the calm, compassionate, steady centre of you — can take the lead. The result is less inner conflict, more self-acceptance, and a greater sense of calm.

Does This Actually Work?

Short answer: yes. And not just in my opinion.

Research has shown EMDR to be effective for trauma and PTSD, and it is recognised by major health organisations internationally as an evidence-based approach. While no single therapy works for everyone, EMDR is one of several methods with strong research support.

IFS has also been the focus of growing research, and studies consistently show its effectiveness in treating trauma, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Many clients describe it as life-changing because it helps them understand and heal the different parts of themselves rather than fighting them.

Busting the Myth: Therapy Is Not Just Talking

Here is the myth-busting part: therapy is not about talking in circles. It is about creating real change in the way your brain and body respond to life.

• EMDR helps your nervous system process and settle so the past stops hijacking the present.

• IFS helps you understand and care for the inner parts of yourself that carry pain or try to protect you.

• Together, they create space for relief, clarity, and hope.

I sometimes tell clients that therapy is like a software update. EMDR clears out the stuck files that keep causing glitches, while IFS helps your whole system run smoother by getting all the parts working together. Suddenly the system is lighter, calmer, and more responsive.

What Clients Often Notice

Everyone’s healing journey is different, but here are some common shifts clients describe after EMDR and IFS:

• A memory that once felt overwhelming now feels “farther away” and less distressing.

• Triggers no longer have the same emotional charge.

• An inner critic that used to dominate softens when it is understood and cared for.

• There is a stronger sense of calm and clarity, even in stressful moments.

• More room for joy, connection, and focus in daily life.

These are not small changes. They are the kind of shifts that can change how you live day to day.

A Note on Strength

Another myth I often hear is that strong people do not need therapy. The truth is that it takes tremendous strength to face what you have been carrying. It is not weakness to ask for help. It is wisdom. Choosing therapy shows that you value your well-being enough to invest in it.

Bottom Line

Therapy does work. And approaches like EMDR and IFS show exactly how. EMDR helps your brain process and file away what has been too overwhelming to handle alone. IFS helps you meet your inner parts with curiosity and compassion so you can lead your life with more balance.

Healing is not about being “fixed.” It is about reclaiming your life from the weight of old pain. Therapy is not a last resort. It is a path toward freedom, connection, and the version of you that feels most like yourself.

So the next time someone says therapy does not work, feel free to smile and say, “Actually, there is science — and lived experience — that would disagree.”

Joey’s Take 🐾

If you ask Joey, therapy works a lot like his naps. When life gets overwhelming, you find a safe spot, close your eyes, and let your system reset. He also thinks IFS makes perfect sense, because he knows all about parts: there is Joey-the-guard-dog, Joey-the-snack-beggar, and Joey-who-snores-through-mom’s sessions. His advice? Let your parts have their say, and do not forget to rest afterwards.

Joey's Take: Sometimes the best therapy is finding a safe spot, resting, and letting your system reset.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).