Myth: Anxiety Means Something Is Wrong With You

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

A quiet place to pause and notice what's present.

Anxiety has a way of convincing people that it is a personal failure.

If you feel anxious, your mind often jumps to questions like,“What is wrong with me?”“Why can’t I just calm down?”“Other people seem to handle this better than I do.”

This myth is powerful because anxiety feels so uncomfortable. When your heart races, your thoughts spiral, or your body stays tense, it is easy to assume something is broken.

But anxiety is not evidence that something is wrong with you. More often, it is evidence that your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do.

What anxiety actually is

Anxiety is a protective response.

Your nervous system is designed to notice potential threat and prepare you to respond. That response might show up as increased alertness, muscle tension, racing thoughts, or a strong urge to plan, avoid, or fix.

This system evolved to keep humans alive. The problem is not that it exists. The problem is that it sometimes gets activated when danger is not actually present.

Anxiety does not mean your system is defective. It means your system is trying to help, even if it is being overprotective.

Why anxiety feels so convincing

Anxiety pulls your attention into the future.

It scans for what might go wrong, what you might miss, or what could hurt you or someone you care about. When this happens, your body reacts as if the threat is already happening.

Your logical brain may know that you are safe, but your nervous system is not operating on logic alone. It is responding based on past learning, stored patterns, and cues it has learned to associate with danger.

This disconnect is what makes anxiety feel so real and so hard to talk yourself out of.

Where this myth usually takes root

Many people learned early on that they needed to stay alert in order to stay safe.

If you grew up in an environment that felt unpredictable, emotionally charged, or demanding, your nervous system may have learned that vigilance was necessary. Paying attention to tone shifts, moods, and possible outcomes helped you anticipate what was coming next.

Later in life, that same skill can show up as anxiety.

The nervous system does not always update itself automatically. It keeps using strategies that worked once, even when they are no longer needed.

That is not dysfunction. That is adaptation.

What anxiety is trying to communicate

Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” it can be more helpful to ask,“What is my system responding to right now?”

Sometimes anxiety is pointing to exhaustion, overwhelm, or a lack of safety or support. Other times, it is responding to old patterns that are no longer relevant, but still feel familiar in the body.

Anxiety is information. It is not a diagnosis of failure.

Why reassurance alone often does not work

Many people try to manage anxiety by reassuring themselves. They tell themselves to calm down, think positively, or stop overreacting.

While reassurance can help in the moment, it often does not last. That is because anxiety is not just a thought problem. It is a nervous system state.

Lasting change usually happens when the body learns that it is safe enough to stand down. This is why approaches that work directly with the nervous system can be so effective.

What therapy often focuses on instead

In therapy, we are not trying to eliminate anxiety entirely. We are trying to understand it.

We look at how your body responds to stress, what cues activate your system, and what your anxiety has learned over time. We also work on increasing your capacity to stay present with sensations and emotions without immediately needing to escape or control them.

Approaches like EMDR can help your nervous system update old threat responses so they are less intense and less frequent. Over time, anxiety stops running the show and becomes something you can notice and respond to, rather than something that defines you.

What changes when this myth loosens

When people stop believing that anxiety means something is wrong with them, a lot shifts.

There is less shame. Less self criticism. More curiosity.

Instead of fighting their internal experience, people start listening to it. They learn when to rest, when to set limits, and when their system needs support rather than discipline.

Anxiety may still show up, but it no longer carries the same weight. It becomes a signal, not a verdict.

And that makes room for a much kinder relationship with yourself.

Joey’s Take 🐾🐾

Being alert does not mean something is wrong. It just means I’m paying attention.

Alert, curious, and gathering information.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean, my favourite co therapist.