Myth: Therapy Is Only for Couples on the Brink of Divorce

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Couples' therapy isn't just for crisis. It's about strengthening your connection before things feel overwhelming.

When most people picture couples’ therapy, they imagine a last-ditch effort: two people sitting on opposite ends of a couch, arms crossed, barely speaking except to mutter, “This is our last shot.” Movies and TV haven’t helped that stereotype. Therapy gets painted as the emergency room of relationships, a place you only go when everything’s falling apart.

But here’s the truth: couples’ therapy doesn’t have to be the ambulance at the bottom of the hill. It can be the guardrail at the top, something that prevents the fall in the first place.

Why Do We Wait So Long?

Research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman shows that couples wait, on average, seven years before seeking help. Seven years of the same argument about who does the dishes. Seven years of biting your tongue over in-laws. Seven years of drifting further apart, all while hoping things will magically fix themselves.

Imagine waiting seven years with a leaky roof before calling a roofer. By then, the ceiling’s stained, the floorboards are warped, and there’s a family of raccoons making themselves at home.

Relationships are no different, the longer we wait, the harder it is to repair the damage.

No wonder therapy sometimes gets branded as “too little, too late.” But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Everyday Reasons Couples Come to Therapy

Couples’ therapy isn’t just for marriages on life support. Many couples come in because they want to strengthen what’s already there. Common reasons include:

• Improving communication so you stop having the same misunderstanding over and over.

• Managing conflict more constructively (because disagreements are normal — it’s how you handle them that matters).

• Rebuilding or rekindling intimacy when connection has taken a back seat to work, kids, or stress.

• Navigating life transitions like moving, job changes, becoming new parents, or adjusting to an empty nest.

• Preventing problems by learning healthy patterns before resentment sets in.

  
  

The truth is, most couples who walk through the therapy door aren’t shouting at each other or threatening to leave. They’re often people who love each other but feel stuck, disconnected, or like they’re speaking different languages.

Breaking the Stigma

Pop culture loves to dramatize couples’ therapy: tears, yelling, accusations. In reality? Sure, there are tough conversations, but there’s also laughter, relief, and moments of real tenderness. I’ve seen couples come in expecting a courtroom trial and leave surprised at how hopeful and constructive it feels.

Therapy doesn’t label couples as “broken.” It sees them as human, with all the quirks, habits, and histories that come with being in a relationship.

A Preventative Check-Up for Your Relationship

Think of couples’ therapy like routine maintenance:

• You don’t wait until your car engine seizes to get an oil change.

• You don’t wait until you need a root canal to see the dentist.

• Musicians don’t wait until a violin string snaps before tuning their instrument.

Why treat your relationship any differently? Preventative care keeps things running smoothly. It’s not about avoiding every single conflict (impossible), but about having the tools to handle conflict well when it happens.

What Couples Can Gain

When couples come in sooner rather than later, they often discover that small shifts make a big difference. Imagine:

• Arguments that don’t spiral out of control.

• Feeling heard instead of dismissed.

• Rebuilding trust after disconnection.

• Laughing together more often, even about the small things.

These aren’t grand gestures; they’re the everyday moments that add up to a stronger, more resilient partnership.

A Lighter Way to Look At It

One couple once told me, “We thought therapy would be like pulling a fire alarm. Turns out, it’s more like getting a coach.” Exactly. Sometimes it’s just about fine-tuning the dance, stepping on each other’s toes less often, rediscovering your rhythm, and maybe even enjoying the music again.

And honestly? If you’ve survived assembling IKEA furniture together, you’re already halfway there.

If you've survived assembling IKEA furniture together, couples' therapy will feel like a breeze.

Gentle Takeaway

Couples’ therapy isn’t a last resort. It’s an investment, in your connection, your future, and your ability to weather life’s inevitable ups and downs together. And the earlier you come in, the easier it is to create meaningful change.

So instead of waiting seven years, what if you gave yourselves the gift of support now?

Joey’s Take

Seven years? That’s almost my whole lifetime! If I waited that long to fetch the ball, it would probably roll all the way to another province. The way I see it, waiting makes everything harder. Whether it’s chasing balls or keeping connections strong, sooner is always better. And trust me — it’s way more fun when you tackle things before they pile up.

Joey showing off his agility skills, jumping through a hoop with focus and energy. A reminder that growth and healing take practice, patience, and a little playfulness along the way.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne, a therapist trained in Gottman Method Couples’ Therapy. I work with couples online across Canada who want to strengthen their communication, manage conflict, and feel more connected. You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit — many couples I see are simply looking to make a good relationship even better. My style is down-to-earth, practical, and focused on giving you tools you can actually use outside of therapy.