Stories of People Who Thought They Were Stuck Forever but Weren’t

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

A path that slowly opens as you keep moving forward.

People often come to therapy believing they are the exception.

They have tried before. They understand their patterns. They can explain exactly why they feel the way they do. And yet, nothing seems to change.

So they arrive saying things like,“I think this is just how I am.”“I’ve been like this forever.”“I don’t really believe things can shift for me.”

These beliefs usually sound calm on the surface. Underneath, they carry a quiet grief.

When stuck starts to feel permanent

Feeling stuck is not just about behaviour. It is about hope.

When patterns have been in place for a long time, your nervous system adapts around them. You learn how to cope. You organize your life to avoid certain triggers. You lower expectations to protect yourself from disappointment.

Over time, stuck can begin to feel like identity rather than circumstance.

Many people I work with are highly capable and self aware. They are not lacking insight. What they are lacking is a sense that something different is possible without overwhelming their system.

The belief that nothing will help

One of the most common fears I hear is not about therapy itself. It is the fear of trying and being disappointed again.

People worry that if they hope, they will fall harder. So they keep hope small. They say they are realistic. They say they are managing fine.

But often, managing fine means carrying far more than they should have to.

This belief is not pessimism. It is protection.

What actually shifts things

Change rarely happens in the way people imagine.

There is no single breakthrough moment where everything suddenly makes sense. Instead, there are small, almost unnoticeable shifts that accumulate over time.

Someone realizes they are not as activated by a familiar trigger. Someone notices they recover more quickly after a hard conversation.Someone feels an emotion without needing to immediately fix or escape it.

These moments often arrive quietly. Many people do not even recognize them as change at first.

Why the nervous system matters

When people feel stuck, it is often because their nervous system is operating on old information.

Past experiences taught their body certain lessons about safety, closeness, or danger. Even when life looks different now, the body has not updated its expectations.

This is why insight alone is rarely enough.

Approaches that work directly with the nervous system, like EMDR, help process those older experiences so they no longer feel like they are happening in the present. As the body learns that the threat has passed, patterns that once felt fixed begin to soften.

What people often say later

Looking back, many people describe their earlier sense of being stuck with compassion.

They realize they were not failing. They were surviving.

They notice that what once felt impossible now feels manageable. Not easy, but doable. The fear is still there sometimes, but it no longer runs the show.

Perhaps most importantly, they stop using the word “forever.”

Hope does not mean pressure

One of the biggest misconceptions about hope is that it requires certainty.

It does not.

Hope can be very small. It can sound like, “Maybe this could feel a little different.” Or, “I don’t know what changes, but I’m open to trying.”

You do not have to believe things will work in order to begin. You just have to be willing to notice what happens next.

If this resonates with you

If you see yourself in these stories, it does not mean you are late or broken.

It means your system has been doing its best with what it learned at the time.

Feeling stuck does not mean you are out of options. It often means you have reached the edge of what you can do alone.

And that edge, uncomfortable as it is, is often where change begins.

Joey’s Take 🐾🐾

Sometimes I get very comfortable in one spot and forget I can move. Then I stretch, shift positions, and realize I’m not actually stuck.

I was just resting.

Turns out I wasn't stuck. I was just small and needed time to grow.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR, a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean, my favourite co therapist.