What Trauma Really Is (It's Not Just the "Big Stuff")

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Healing doesn't always look like hard work - it can feel like small moments of lightness returning. Trauma therapy helps you create more of these.

One of the things I notice in my practice is how misunderstood the word trauma often is. For many people, it brings to mind big, life-shattering events—like being in a serious car accident, living through war, or the experiences of first responders and soldiers. And yes, those are very real and very valid forms of trauma. In therapy we sometimes call those “big T” or “capital T” traumas.

So when people hear that word, they often say to me, “Oh, I don’t think I have any trauma. Nothing major has happened in my life.”

But here’s the thing: trauma isn’t only about the big, catastrophic moments. It can also show up in the smaller, quieter ways life has shaped you—things you may not have thought “counted.” Maybe you grew up with a parent who couldn’t regulate their emotions, or one who was overly focused on appearances. Maybe you were told, directly or indirectly, that you weren’t good enough, or you learned that feelings like anger or sadness weren’t safe to express. These kinds of experiences are often called “small t” traumas.

What Is Trauma (and How Does It Get Stuck)?

Put simply: trauma is anything that overwhelms your system’s ability to make sense of what’s happening in the moment. If your brain can’t file it away neatly, it can get “stuck.”

Picture this: something unsettling happens, and your nervous system slams the alarm button—“This doesn’t feel good. Do something!” But your brain looks around and says, “Wait…I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know how to deal with this.” So instead of being processed like an everyday memory, the experience sits under the surface, waiting.

Later, when something even vaguely similar comes along, your nervous system jumps back into high alert—whether or not there’s any real danger. That’s what we often call being “triggered.”

Everyday Examples of Trauma You Might Overlook

You might have been the child who couldn’t leave the dinner table until every last bite was gone. Maybe in that moment, what you learned was: I don’t have control. I’m powerless. Fast-forward to adulthood, and now anytime you feel powerless, you’re flooded with that same discomfort—even if it feels “irrational.”

Or let’s say you once had a boss who micromanaged or bullied you. Years later, you know it wasn’t your fault. You’ve told yourself you’re over it. And yet—when your supportive current boss gives you feedback, you feel tense, anxious, even on edge, as though you’re about to get in trouble. Your logical brain reassures you, “This is different.” But your nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo.

How Therapy and EMDR Help Heal Trauma

This is where therapy—particularly EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)—can be so powerful. I use EMDR often in my practice because it helps the brain do what it couldn’t do in the moment: process and file away those stuck experiences.

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (think back-and-forth eye movements, kind of like what naturally happens when you dream in REM sleep) to give your brain another shot at making sense of things.

In online sessions, this usually looks like following a little ball moving across your screen. It’s simple, but it allows your brain to go, “Ohhhh. That’s what that was. I get it now.” Once that happens, your nervous system can relax in situations where it used to stay on edge.

That’s what we call reprocessing. And the results can be truly transformative.

Healing Trauma: The First Step Toward Change

When we broaden our understanding of trauma, it becomes clear that most of us carry some version of it. Recognizing that isn’t about blaming or pathologizing—it’s about understanding ourselves with more compassion.

And when you start to heal those stuck places, life opens up in ways you may not have thought possible.

If you’d like to learn more about EMDR, I’ve written another blog that dives deeper into it. Or, if you’re curious about working together, you’re welcome to reach out through my contact page for a free 15-minute consultation.

It would be an honour to support you in your healing journey.

Like the ocean, healing isn't always a straight line - it ebbs, flows, and keeps moving forward. Trauma therapy can help you find your calm again.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a therapist in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR — a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).