What Early Couples' Sessions Are Really Like

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Two different colours, same direction. That's what teamwork in therapy looks like.

So, you’ve decided to start couples' therapy

Making that first appointment can feel like a big step. You might wonder, What’s going to happen? Will we have to air all our dirty laundry right away? The short answer is no.

Early couples' sessions are less about diving into every argument and more about getting the full picture of your relationship. Think of it as taking inventory before you start building something new.

My role is to guide you through that process in a way that feels structured, safe, and collaborative.

The Gottman Method gives us a clear roadmap for that. It helps us understand not just what’s been hard, but also what’s strong and worth protecting. Here’s what the first few sessions usually look like.

Session One: Getting to know each other

Our first session is where we begin to get acquainted. We talk about what brought you in, what’s been feeling off, and what you’d each like to see change. You’ll get a sense of my style and how the Gottman Method works.

I’ll walk you through the Sound Relationship House, which is the foundation of the Gottman approach. It’s a model that helps us understand what makes relationships strong: friendship, trust, commitment, shared meaning, and how you manage conflict.

We’ll also do the Oral History Interview, which takes us through the story of your relationship, how you met, what first drew you to each other, the highs, the lows, and the turning points that brought you to where you are now. It’s one of my favourite parts of the process because it reminds couples of their shared history and what first connected them, even when things feel tense.

Between sessions: Your Relationship Checkup

After that first session, you’ll each receive a link to complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup, an online assessment that’s thorough but accessible. It looks at many areas of your relationship, from communication and conflict to friendship and intimacy.

It’s not a test and there’s no score to “pass.” The goal is to get a snapshot of your relationship’s strengths and challenges so that our next sessions are grounded in real data, not assumptions.

Sessions Two and Three

After your Relationship Checkup is complete, we continue with the remaining sessions in the assessment phase of the Gottman Method. These first three sessions together make up that phase, giving us a full understanding of your relationship before we move into active work.

Session Two is usually divided into two individual sessions, one with each partner. These are confidential one-on-one conversations where we go over your Relationship Checkup results, talk about what stood out to you, and explore your individual perspectives and hopes for therapy. This is a chance to ask questions freely and share your perspective on what you think needs to happen in order for things to feel different.

Session Three is our feedback session, where we all come back together. This is where things start to take shape. I’ll walk you through the findings from the assessment phase and the Relationship Checkup, layer by layer through the Sound Relationship House.

Together, we look at what’s strong in your relationship, what could use some support, and what patterns might be keeping you stuck. From there, we create a plan for the work ahead, the topics we’ll explore, the tools we’ll use, and the goals that matter most to both of you.

What couples often say after these first sessions

By the end of the third session, most couples say they feel relieved. The fear of the unknown starts to ease because they can see the path forward. They understand that therapy isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness and teamwork.

Many also say they feel seen for the first time in a while. Just having someone listen, help make sense of the patterns, and bring structure to the chaos can bring a noticeable shift in how partners relate to each other.

What comes next

After the assessment phase, we move into the intervention phase, where the real work begins. We focus on learning new tools, rebuilding connection, and strengthening communication. The process is steady and intentional, but it’s also hopeful. Each step is designed to help you move from disconnection toward understanding, and from tension toward teamwork.

There’s often laughter, some tears, and a few “aha” moments that start to change how you talk and listen to each other. That’s the point where therapy shifts from something you’re trying, to something that’s really working.

A gentle reminder

Starting couples' therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you both care enough to make things better. The first few sessions are simply about creating a shared map of where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.

You don’t have to know all the answers. You just have to be willing to show up and start the conversation.

Joey’s Take 🐾

My Mom talks a lot about this “Sound Relationship House.” I haven’t seen the blueprints, but I’m pretty sure every good house needs a comfy dog bed and plenty of snacks. I like to think of myself as the emotional support contractor. When couples show up ready to work on their foundation, I handle the important stuff, like morale boosts and tail wags.

Joey, the emotional support contractor, taking his job (and his sunshine breaks) very seriously.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC. I have completed Level 3 Practicum training in Gottman Method Couples' Therapy, and I use the Gottman Method in my work with couples. I help support couples online across Canada who want to strengthen their communication, manage conflict, and feel more connected. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit. Many couples I see are simply looking to make a good relationship even better. My style is down-to-earth, practical, and focused on giving you tools you can actually use outside of therapy.