Embracing Your Inner Complexity: The Power of Internal Family Systems Therapy

Lianne Perry, MA, MSc., RCC

Like a still lake reflecting the forest around it, Internal Family Systems therapy helps you notice and understand the hidden parts within you - creating space for balance, clarity, and healing.

Getting to Know All the Parts of You: An Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS)

When I talk to clients about Internal Family Systems therapy—IFS for short—I often describe it like getting to know the cast of characters that live inside you. Some are loud and bossy, some are quiet and hurt, and some work overtime to keep you safe.

IFS, developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, is a way of understanding that we’re not “one single mind” but more like a community of different parts, each with its own history, perspective, and job to do. These parts influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours every single day, whether we notice them or not.

And here’s the really beautiful part: when we learn how to listen to them, understand them, and let our core Self lead, we can create more harmony inside. That’s where real healing happens.

The Three Big Players in IFS

IFS talks about three main types of parts:

1. The Self – This is your calm, compassionate, wise core. Think of it as the steady captain of the ship. When the Self is in charge, there’s clarity and balance.

2. Exiles – These are the parts holding onto pain, shame, or fear from earlier experiences, often from childhood. They carry wounds from moments when you felt unsafe, unloved, or not enough. Because it’s so hard to feel that pain, other parts try to protect you from it.

3. Managers & Firefighters – These are your protectors. Managers work proactively to keep you in control, sometimes by keeping you busy, perfect, or numb. Firefighters are more reactive. They rush in when uncomfortable emotions break through, and they’ll do whatever it takes to put out the “emotional fire,” even if that means impulsive choices like overeating, binge-watching, overspending, or reaching for that extra glass of wine.

How Do You Spot Your Parts in IFS?

The first step is simply noticing:

• What thoughts come up in certain situations?

• What feelings show up in your body?

• How do you tend to react when you feel uncomfortable or stressed?

You might discover a perfectionist part, a procrastinator part, a harsh inner critic, or a playful part that wants freedom. Naming them, whether it’s something simple like “The Critic” or something quirky like “Captain Keep-It-Together”, can help you recognize when they’re stepping forward.

How Do You Talk With Your Parts in IFS?

This is where things get really interesting.Find a quiet space, close your eyes, take a few slow breaths, and invite one part to speak. Imagine what it might look like if it had a form, maybe a person, an animal, or even a colour. What does it want you to know?

Sometimes a part just needs to be heard. Other times, it’s trying to warn you, protect you, or keep you away from a feeling it thinks you can’t handle. When we listen without judgment, those parts start to relax.

Why Does Self-Compassion Matter in IFS?

Here’s the thing: every part of you is trying to help in its own way, even the ones whose strategies you don’t like. When you approach them with curiosity and kindness instead of frustration, they’re far more willing to trust you.

For example, if a part feels ashamed after a mistake, it might be working overtime to keep you from taking risks. It’s not trying to ruin your life, it’s trying to protect you from feeling hurt again.

Self-compassion is the glue that holds IFS work together. It’s what allows healing to happen.

Integration: Creating Inner Harmony

IFS isn’t about deleting parts, it’s about helping them work together under the leadership of your Self. Over time, those exiles can heal, and your protectors can relax because they know you’re in charge now.

When that happens, you feel less reactive, more grounded, and more like your true self. You also start noticing changes, less anxiety, more emotional resilience, and a deeper sense of self-awareness.

Just like a flower opens layer by layer, Internal Family Systems therapy helps you gently uncover and understand the hidden parts within you - bringing self-compassion, balance, and healing.

How Can You Bring IFS Into Daily Life?

IFS isn’t just for therapy sessions, it’s something you can use anytime.Next time you feel triggered, pause and ask:

“What part of me is feeling this way right now?”

Even that one question can shift you from being in a reaction to being with the part that’s having the reaction. That’s where choice, and healing, live. Over time, this practice can turn tense moments into opportunities for understanding and connection.

It’s a Journey, Not a Quick Fix

Working with your parts takes patience. Some have been around for decades, doing their jobs non-stop. But as you learn to lead with your Self, curious, compassionate, and calm, you may discover strengths you didn’t know you had.

IFS can help you turn your inner world from a battleground into a team that has your back. And that’s worth every step. And remember, those steps don’t have to be perfect. Even small, gentle steps toward self-awareness can lead to profound shifts over time.

Curious about meeting your inner family?

There’s no need to rush or have the answers right now. Just bringing a little curiosity to your inner world is a beautiful beginning. Every part of you has a place here, and when it feels right, we can explore those parts together, with warmth, care, and compassion. I’m here when you’re ready.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a therapist in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR — a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).