What Fixing My Toilet Taught Me About Healing

Lianne Perry, MA., MSc., RCC

A running toilet, a YouTube tutorial, and a surprising lesson in self-trust.

Last week, I fixed my toilet.(Yes, you read that right. This is not the glamorous therapist story you might have been expecting. Stick with me.)

My toilet was running on and off like it had a mind of its own. At first, I did what most of us do when faced with a problem we don’t understand: I Googled it. That led me down the rabbit hole of YouTube tutorials with titles like “How to Fix a Running Toilet in 5 Easy Steps.”

Sounds simple, right? Except about three minutes in, my anxiety was spiking. My inner dialogue? “Nope. Too complicated. I can’t do this. I’m just not handy. I’ll probably break something and then it’ll flood my bathroom. I should just call a plumber.”

And then another voice chimed in: “But calling a plumber means at least $250… and do I really want to spend $250 on this?” Cue another wave of anxiety.

Meeting the Parts of Me That Wanted to Quit

Here’s where it gets interesting — and where this overlaps with therapy.

As I sat there, phone in hand, finger hovering over the search bar for plumbers, I realized something bigger was happening.

It wasn’t just about the toilet. It was about the parts of me being triggered:

• The part that feels “stupid” when it comes to home maintenance.

• The part that feels really alone when faced with something unfamiliar.

• The part that believes, deep down, that I can’t handle things like this.

These parts weren’t just worried about the toilet. They were carrying old fears and old stories.

So I paused. I talked to them. (Yes, out loud. If you’ve worked with me, you know I’m a big believer in actually giving these parts of ourselves a voice.) I reminded them that just because something is new or hard, it doesn’t mean I’m incapable.

The First Attempt (And the Second)

Armed with a shaky kind of determination, I went to the hardware store, bought a new fill valve, and came home to install it. Victory! Or so I thought. I flushed the toilet, waited for the satisfying silence of a job well done… and it was still running.

Turns out the fill valve wasn’t the real problem. The flush valve, the piece that seals the water in the tank until you press the handle, was worn out. So back to the hardware store I went. I bought a flush valve, watched another YouTube video, and carefully replaced it. This time, it worked. The toilet stopped running.

And while the fill valve hadn’t technically needed replacing, after three years it probably deserved a fresh start too. So in the end, I had a toilet with two new parts, and proof that I could figure this out, step by step.

That’s what healing often looks like: you start with what you think is the problem, only to discover there’s something deeper underneath. The first attempt doesn’t always “fix it,” but it moves you forward, teaches you something, and builds confidence for the next step. Progress isn’t about getting it perfect the first time, it’s about sticking with it long enough to uncover what really needs attention.

Why This Felt Like Building a Car from Scratch

Standing there, staring proudly at my very normal, very functional toilet, I felt like I’d just built a car from scratch. It wasn’t really about plumbing, it was about what happened inside me.

• I faced the anxiety that told me I couldn’t do it.

• I worked with the parts of me that felt small, stupid, or overwhelmed.

• I proved to myself that I am capable of more than I thought.

And isn’t that exactly what healing feels like sometimes?

When clients say to me, “This thing shouldn’t be such a big deal, but it feels huge,” I get it. Because it’s never just about the surface issue (the toilet, the argument, the trigger). It’s about the old stories that rise up in those moments — and how we meet them.

What This Has to Do with You

Here’s the takeaway:

• Healing isn’t about never feeling anxious or triggered.

• It’s about noticing those moments, pausing, and choosing to respond differently.

• It’s about proving to yourself, in small but powerful ways, that you are more capable than those old stories would have you believe.

For you, it might not be a toilet. (Though if it is, I’ve got some YouTube recommendations.) Maybe it’s setting a boundary in a relationship. Or speaking up at work. Or just admitting to yourself that you’re tired of feeling stuck and you’re ready for something different.

Every time you meet those parts of you with compassion and take one small brave step forward, you’re building evidence: “I can do this. I’m not broken. I’m growing.”

Sometimes, growth looks like pushing through the shadows until you find your own light.

Final Thought

So yes, last week I fixed my toilet. But what I really did was remind myself that I can trust myself. That the parts of me that doubt, panic, or want to quit aren’t in charge, they’re just along for the ride.

And, for the record, that newfound confidence carried over. This week, I stared down a pair of flat-pack IKEA nightstands, Allen key and cryptic instructions in hand, and won. If I can survive plumbing and IKEA diagrams, I figure I can survive just about anything.

And here’s the bigger truth: healing works the same way. Sometimes the first thing you try isn’t the thing that fully “fixes it.” Maybe you start with one strategy, one boundary, one conversation, and it doesn’t quite do the trick. But it’s not wasted. Every attempt teaches you something, moves you forward, and builds evidence that you can keep going.

The fill valve wasn’t the problem, but replacing it still mattered. It gave me the courage to tackle the flush valve, which turned out to be the real issue. And now I’ve got a fully functional toilet, 2 IKEA nightstands, and a reminder that progress doesn’t have to be perfect to count.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck, maybe it’s time to see your first steps not as failures, but as part of the process. Therapy is one way to make those steps with support, so you don’t have to do the trial-and-error alone. Because even when it takes a couple of tries, every effort is proof: you’re not broken. You’re growing.

About Lianne

I’m Lianne Perry, a therapist in BC who works online with clients across Canada. I specialize in trauma, anxiety, and life transitions, and I’m certified in EMDR — a powerful approach that helps people heal without having to relive every detail of the past. My sessions are grounded, collaborative, and often a mix of talk therapy and practical tools. When I’m not in session, you’ll probably find me hiking with my Aussie, Joey, or sitting by the ocean (my favourite co-therapist).